Kyss Thys

I hate Malory.

I hate Lancelot. I hate Gwinevere. I hate chivalry. I hate adultery. I hate sexuality.

I hate Middle English. I hate Medieval scholars. I hate this paper.

And as for the Grail, yeah, I hate that too.

They Only Come Out At Night

I just killed the ugliest, biggest fucking creature ever. Here I am, in my basement, typing away at my computer, pondering bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a black furry thing moving. I look, and there it is -- a 3-inch insect from hell. I had just enough time to freeze in my position before it scurried under the book shelf.

In shock, I just sat there wondering if I was hallucinating. If I had seen what I had just seen, there was no way I was going to bed with that thing still alive and crawling around my place (even though my bed is in another room entirely, one can never be to cautious). After about 10 minutes of just staring at that stupid shelf, the billion-legged monster creeped out and went running under my school bag (mental note: never leave my school bag, and anything else, on the floor again). I scanned the room for something, anything, to kill it. I was hoping to have enough proximity as possible between myself and the Thing, but since I didn't have a fire hose on hand, I had to settle for my slipper. My poor, pretty little ballet slipper. I mustered up the courage to walk to my schoolbag with the hope that it wouldn't just sprint out at me (I would have been a dead woman, otherwise); thankfully, as if knowing about its own tragic demise, it moved with trepidation. I then abhorrently squished it with said slipper (that poor, pretty little slipper) and of course, it didn't die right away so i had to squish it even harder.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

WWWWW.

Goose-bumped, I ran to my computer to check up what this thing could be. Turns out, it's a house centipede. A website aptly said that it looked like a moving hairbrush. Apparently, these bugs are really "friendly" and they kill spiders and other household pest......uhhh, how is this not a pest? How is this even posited as being a human "friend"???

Wonderful. Now I cannot sleep. I just feel like this centipede thing is crawling up my arms. I am probably going to dream about it. Maybe I will even end up having supper with it one day, just because I'm lucky like that.

I am not moving that shoe for a week. Does exoskeleton evaporate? (Please say yes.)

The Soundrack of My Life on Party Shuffle

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Opening Credits: Ladytron - "Laughing Cavelier"
Sounds like something from the Dr. Who soundtrack. Perfect. (Did anyone else watch it as a kid and wonder how the hell that computerized office fit in a phone booth?)

Waking Up: Medeski, Martin and Wood - "Mami Gato"
If I could wake up in this type of jazzy mood each morning, I wouldn't hate my life so much.

First Day At School: Wintersleep - "Migration"
If I have to migrate to another "first day at school," I will kill myself.

Falling In Love: The Kills (covering Serge Gainsbourg) - "I Call It Art"
Yes, I'm that pretentious.

Sex Scene: MSTRKRFRT - "She's Good For Business"
It's funny 'cause it's true.

Fight Song: Air - "Photograph"
I love you Air, but I'm so not fucking fighting to your limp-wristed, vanilla lullabies.

Breaking Up: Eagles Of Death Metal - "Poor Doggy"
Nothing like reducing your ex to a dog. Or maybe doing it doggy one more time for the road. Whatever the case, it works.

Prom: Lush - "Ocean"
If they played this at my prom, I would have been one happy starry-eyed, shoe-gazing, hormonally-charged 17-year old.

Life's OK: The Strokes - "Electricityscape"
Life would be A-OK if I was in NYC with Julian and company.

Mental Breakdown: Beck - "Static"
I'm breaking down as we speak.

Quitting Shit Job: Half-Life 2 Soundtrack - "Lab Practicum"
The fact that I have this song in iTunes is a testament to why I -- and the person who sent me this track -- should stop gaming and get back to work.

Driving: The Rapture - "Out of the Races and Onto the Tracks"
Not only apropos, but fucking hot.

Flashback: Jackson and his Computer Band - "Moto"
Jackson can flash my back any day. Wiki him and you'll understand.

Getting Back Together: The Magnetic Fields - "Underwear"
The only reason to get back together, really.

Birth of Child: The Arcade Fire - "Headlights Look Like Diamonds"
Can the father of the child be Win Butler? No? Fuck it, then.

Wedding: Supergrass - "Run"
Indeed.

Final Battle: The Vines - "Gross Out"
It would be a minute-long fight, but dammit, it would be fucking crazy.

Death Scene: Boards of Canada - "Tears From the Compound Eye"
YES.

Funeral Song: vitaminsforyou - "Everything is Always"
My funeral song will not sound like postmodern fluff.

End Credits: Roni Size - "The Streets"
Fuck this, let's dance.

Pigeons Go Doggy; Spring Arrives

Well -- it looks like Spring is here. Not only is the sun shining, the wind a gnat's wing less frigid, and people's blood flowing a little more excitedly, but the pigeons are doing it.

Today, as I was sitting at the triangular benches outside the Hall building on McKay -- the ones I've managed to chill out on every Spring for 7 years (yeah, I *really* need to leave Concordia) -- I witnessed one pigeon of unidentified sex beaking (perhaps prepping?) its own gonads. In flies bird number two and they start making out like it means something (anyone who has birds and has ever kissed someone in front of them knows that Blue Budgie and Yellow Budgie quickly pick up the habit). Then one of the pigeons (whom we assume was the male, but one's never too sure) jumps on the other's back and they started getting funky, until a passing student yells "get a room!" and the two lustbirds fly off in shame.

Needless to say, love, and Spring, are in the air.

Book yer face

Yes, my friends, this is the story of my life.

What is "this" you ask?

That under the right circumstances and environmental elements, I can be seduced by the internet. Really -- it is true.

So, it's 2AM. I went to bed a few hours back but woke up because I was too...awake, I guess would be the best word. I tend to feel hyper and restless the night before the first day of school, so it's no surprise. But anyway, I get out of the comfort of my bed to go to the comfort of my Ikea jean chair across from my ever-accommodating monitor. I do the routine skim through my various accounts. I get invited to Facebook. I join Facebook.

I am officially a lose-er. Someone, give the lady a pen and paper.

Prelude to Consolidation Or Beginning to Begin

Okay. So, you may not know me, or at the very least, know this about me, but I'm a little obsessed with order. I like it. It's pretty and neat and makes me feel like a better person.

This is why I feel the need to consolidate blogs. You see, I began a blog (my first, first ever, wow) sometime in May when I created a MySpace account. Maybe becoming too intimate with the web has been my downfall, but hey, it happened. In any case, because I don't like the idea of scattered accounts/blogs, coupled with the fact that I'd like to share my life-changing thoughts with more people than my private MySpace circle, I thought I'd paste the few blogs I have written over the course of the past 6 months into this space.

So now, what I create there, goes here and vice versa. I'm feeling better already.

You've Got The Spirit, Don't Lose The Feeling

I was about to use this bloggy opportunity to fill out (yet) another survey, but then I thought, why? Why spend this precious moment sharing yet more of the same tosh I've been spitting out to you since I first came on this thing back in Spring (shucks, it's our 6 month anniversary!) Not that I discount surveys...god knows how addicted I am to reading them, filling them out, and coming up with ones of my own. I simply want to provide you, my avid subscribers, with a little bit more to chew on. Or, at the very least, something with a little extra icing/whipped cream.

That said, I just have one small thought (wow, I'm anti-climactic). I'm currently in the midst of discovering a bunch of great music from fantastic artists, which obviously, are happily demanding much of my musical attention. There is (almost) nothing better than falling in love with a song and having a moment with it upon each listen. It's a moment, very similar to the meaningful and passionate early stages in a relationship, that you wish would last forever. But it doesn't, in either cases. So you try to counteract this kismet by stopping (or at least decreasing) your interaction with a song. I do this all the time with songs that strike a resonant chord with me -- as soon as I realize I'm giving them too much love, I try to back off, just so the feeling could last. It doesn't work though...inevitably, I can't not tune in for too long, and with time, feelings become neutralized and the songs, while still great, fail to get me going as they once did.

Yes, I am still talking about music here. Do you know what I'm saying though?


PS: Oh Dan Bejar, keep composing...